PART TWO: Lizards and Snakes and Bugs, Oh MY!
You may have already read Part 1 of this story involving Big Daddy Lizard, but my absolute favorite creepy crawly story is….
When we had a rattlesnake living in our house and we didn’t even know it!
The perfect sunny Cabo morning always includes coffee (bold) while sitting in the shade of the terrace, feet up, and ocean waves crashing in plain view all while soaking up the tranquility of life in paradise. You can imagine the jolt to this exceptional morning when our long time maid Angela started screaming, “SERPENTINO, SERPENTINO” (and other excitable Spanish words) We ran into the house to see what the heck was going on to find her frantically jumping and pointing to our large Poinsettia plant sitting atop a 3 foot planter stand. At first we couldn’t see what she was so afraid of but we were stunned to discover a rattlesnake coiled in and around the lower branches. “OH MY GOD”, we both shrieked and leaped backwards. Freaking out, I ran to put both dogs in the bedroom thinking they would quickly find the snake and try to play with it.
We needed a snake removal plan and my big strong New Yorker was yelling directions (his normal self) at both Angela and me to stay back and to be quiet (he was yelling) in case we woke the snake up! We couldn’t even tell which end was which as he was curled around the branches hiding his head. WTF!
Our terrace window was directly beside the large poinsettia plant so I could get a good look at him without any danger. He was definitely sleeping, but even with the glass between him and me I was terrified to get too close to the window. We agreed it would be too dangerous to pick up the big plant and throw it outside knowing he would likely wake up and lash out a good bite.
Mr. NY ran out to the garage and was quick to bring back two brooms, duct tape and a large set of pliers. He worked frantically unscrewing the broom tops and pulling larger pieces of duct tape to wrap the plier arms to the broom sticks. I kept asking, over and over, what are you doing? He was mumbling, this might work, this might work. All the while, the snake was quietly resting.
Angela did mention she had seen this snake a week ago (WTF) and said nothing thinking innocently it was ‘plastico’ and that it was a joke our boys played on us. How on earth did the two dogs not notice! Did the snake sleep in this plant the entire time? Did he slither throughout the house all night long? I would have nightmares over this one.
Voila! The new invention was now created. A giant four-foot long set of pliers! Mr. NY was pleased with himself and was certain he would be able to pick up the snake, nearest his head, and easily take him outside and set him free. I immediately doubted the plan.
I was afraid to take my eyes off the snake in case he slid into some sneaky hideaway. We would have to MOVE. Until now, it was just Mr. NY, Angela and myself and I insisted on going next door to get the neighbors’ gardener to help out. Mr. NY was sure the gardener would have had too much beer already but said, okay, go get him. (I am pretty useless at this sort of thing)
Mr. NY’s new 4 foot long pliers were working pretty good picking up a tea towel and I suggested he try something heavier just in case they were not strong enough for the snakes weight. He agreed to test the strength of his new invention on my finger and when I pulled away … sure enough they snapped apart! (I knew it) Back to the drawing board he went. He used the entire roll of duct tape to strengthen the broom handle pliers and his new tool was now strong enough to pick up a person! The more urgent dilemma is to make damned sure he picked the snake up closest to his head so he wouldn’t have any length to snap out and bit one of us.
The gardener was only slightly juiced, one injured eye (who knows what happened there) and had a shovel in his hand and ready for a snake fight. Mr. NY was now ready to pick up the snake and guess what? Yup, he picked the snake up 4 inches from his tail, the wrong end, and the snake awoke snapping mad, flailing and lashing out. We were all screaming. The long pliers were working but barely keeping the 3 foot long snake within the 4 foot long broom handle porting of the giant pliers.
We quickly realized there was no possibility to follow through with plan A, to set the snake free, so as usual my Mr. NY was yelling orders in English, to the Mexican gardener (Didn’t understand any English) to catch the head of the snake with his shovel on the carpet. (Yes, my new IKEA carpet) The snake was frantically flailing his body and wildly snapping out in every direction and someone was surely going to get bit.
With the minutes passing and the madness of it all escalating the gardener finally managed to catch the snake’s head between the shovel edge and my nice new carpet. The gardener was jubilant and pointed at his victory catch and pulled a knife from somewhere on his body and quickly sliced the head off. I had no idea snakes had so much red blood and it was now pooling on the carpet, and guess what? The body was still wriggling long after the head was off. The gardener was thrilled to be able to keep the catch. (For what?)
Mr. NY and I were high on adrenalin, marvelling at the expertise of his 4 foot pliers, and once we calmed down had the same question…was he alone?
(I so wish smart-phones and youtube were both invented for the snake in the kitchen story!)